OK, we all know it: Sex sells. There’s nothing new in this statement, nothing shocking or mind boggling.
What many have missed, however, is that it is not only “sex” which has become a commodity, it’s our sexuality as well. Our erotic inner Sexual selves have come up for sale. The places within where we hold our fantasies, our desires, our attractions, have been rented out to the latest corporate profit agendas. This is leading us to a form of authentic sexuality suicide. With the onslaught of manufactured sexuality we may question how much of our true sexual nature we actually know and which aspects of our desires exist simply due to media conditioning? Conditioning such as…
“What is acceptable kinkiness?” Thanks to certain videos, S&M has gone from a lifestyle to a dress up party.
“Who is attractive?” Check out your local magazine covers or Instagram feed for the latest “acceptable hotness”.
“what fantasies should be filling your private moments?” How did perfume ads turn into a romance novel?
We are inundated with suggestions of what is desirable, which can leave us reaching externally for acceptable sexual fulfilment instead of checking internally with what really turns us on. How do we ensure that our minds and identities don’t become submissive to the programming of pop culture and media? That our children are raised with an encouraged self-exploration and knowing instead of commercialization being their sex nanny?
Mass produced sexuality raises the challenge of holding on to our identities amidst the bombardment of messages. It tests our ability to remain free of conditionings that the media and society would place on us, challenging us to not lose our true sexual identity and start to base our attractions, experiences and worth of interactions using a commercialized corporate scale rather than our own inner taste buds.
Sex can be a sensory smorgasbord, with everything served up for you. But what about your own desires, fantasies, inner kinks? My thoughts? Sex is much better as a potluck. When you arrive at the table, you want to bring something of “you,” otherwise you’ll only be dining on other people’s concepts.
There are some facets of this increased media sexual saturation that I do welcome; sensuality is beautiful to witness, and I celebrate our slowly evolving openness to sex as a delectable aspect of human nature. I would much prefer a luscious display of naughtiness on screen than a blood bath of violence. My only caveat is as our society matures into a world of lessened prudishness, that we truly do move towards an embodied expression and embrace of “our genuine Sexual nature”, the sexuality that’s authentic to each of us. The challenge is finding the balance on the teeter totter of broadcasted sexuality versus holding on to our own sexual identities.
Here are a few practices to get you started on your own inner sexual odyssey. As authentic sexual discovery starts as a personal journey, these exercises are focused on you, however feel free to share them with your partner, it’s a great way to build a more intimate connection.
Media Detox
Take a weeklong break from all sexual stimulants (was that a gasp?). This detox will help to cleanse your palate and clear the clutter that’s been placed there by various media, creating space for your own personal inquiry. In the end it’ll aid you in exploring and reclaiming the fantasy realm within your system which was rented out to your favourite sexy sites or magazines or bogged down by the influx of suggestive materials.
Your Turn-Ons
Make a list of your biggest turn-ons not just the ones you’ve seen thanks to a recently visited xxx website. Once you get to the ones that make you squirm, keep going…When you reach those that have you thinking “I can’t write that down”… keep going….When you finally touch upon those that make you blush (and may have you denying fervently that “these can’t be my fantasies!”) then you’ve arrived. Discovering and diving into our deepest sexual fantasies is a way to get to know our inner selves on a renewed level. It brings a deeper level of acceptance to our sexual being, doing a bit of sightseeing into our personal erotic playground of the mind and learning what really turns us on. In the end the more we know about our sexual nature, the more we’re able to explore and express our desires, which brings a new level of fulfilment to bedroom adventures. And remember that your sexual fantasies are not the same as sexual actions; guilt is pointless.
Savouring the Reality Around Us
Enjoy the dynamic array of women and men in the world around you. During your weeklong break from glossy photos and airbrushed images, give yourself permission to admire the living, breathing individuals surrounding you. You may be surprised at who draws your eye (so you thought you were into redheads… lo and behold that raven haired woman has you taking a second look). This new level of exploring your attractions can bring deeper levels of self-awareness, self-knowing, and for those singles out there, walking with your head up and system open to new involvements may just draw in a new delicious experience.
Your Personal Sexy Fantasy Land
Allow yourself to play within a sexy fantasy land of your own making. (Yes this is a go ahead on a bit of self-loving!). Let go of any thoughts of “good/bad”, “right/wrong” that your family, friends, past, or religions may have placed on you. Take a few breaths, let your mind wander and your hands follow. Remember that list you created and dive in. Don’t judge (no one can see your thoughts!). By freeing yourself to not just fantasize but to explore yourself during the process you’re accepting your own dreams, desires and inner authentic sexual being. This is a key element in a personal sexual revolution, it demonstrates to yourself that your lusty thoughts are “OK”, that even if they don’t fit the mold of the media (or would have you mother fainting…) they’re true to you and in the end the more sexually embracing of your authentic being you become, the more love you pass on to yourself.
Although mass produced sexuality can bring some interesting new ideas to our sexploits, they can also overtake our own authentic desires. Hidden behind the veil of those conditioned concepts and “officially” recommended attractions, when you let go of others’ ideals and (re)discover yours, you’ll regain a more stunning connection with yourself. You’ll embrace your own unique sexuality in a new way and…to top it off you may discover the most mind blowing orgasm you have ever had. Why? Because it comes from the depths within you, from those things that don’t simply turn on your mind or body, but your entire being.